Noone on the tour could believe we had finally got to the last day of our tour; but it rolled around anyway. In typical Kenny style, first order of the day was a dip in freezing cold water. But you can't go to Loch Ness and not test out the water!
So here’s the proof;
We went for a cruise on the loch, and found out all the details of the monster hunts. First of all, I don’t think any of us realised how dangerous the loch is. A few of us were keen to have a swim, but after listening to the guides, I’m really glad we didn’t. Apparently there are an awful lot of drownings there, because of the temperature, depth and composition of the water. Because the loch is so deep (eg 200m on average), the temperature never gets above about 4 degrees on the very bottom, the mid layers at around 11 degrees and the top layers hover at about 13 degrees in summer. So it was icy cold to dip our feet in! The cold water makes it hard to breathe because it stops your diaphragm from contracting, meaning less oxygen is breathed into the lungs for buoyancy, meaning that people sink like stones in the fresh peaty water which already has pretty much zero buoyancy. Also, the shape of bottom of the loch (with its steep cliffs and shelves) creates a current at the edge which has been known to sweep people off their feet and out into the loch. Apparently the steep shape of the loch bottom comes from an ancient glacier which carved out the rock.
Sonar imaging of the bottom of the loch
The water is a very dark brown colour due to all the peat in it. Apparently visibility is so poor for diving that once you’re down a couple of metres you can’t even tell what’s up or down because you can’t see far enough to tell which way your bubbles are going.
It’s now 100% fresh water, but was originally linked to the sea, so there are actually species of Arctic fish still in there that have adapted to fresh water. There’s also a species of massive cannibalistic trout that live in the depths of the loch, feeding on themselves until their population diminishes somewhat, and then they go and feed on another species for a while until their population replenishes. Weird. Apparently there are eels as wide as a human arm-hold too.
So… Anyone still keen to go swimming in Loch Ness?? Our guide told us he had a lot of respect for the Sea because of its power and unpredictability, but he was just sh*t scared of Loch Ness. I can understand why!
From Loch Ness it was a scenic ride back through the heart of Scotland to Edinburgh, past a lot of lochs on the way. We went past Ben Nevis (in gaelic, ‘the venomous one’), the highest mountain in Scotland, also known to be dangerous.
Today it was covered in cloud, so we didn’t see it, but just trust me, its through that cloud somewhere. The North Face is through that valley there too. (Apparently its Scottish!!) We also stopped off at Fort William, said to be Scotland’s answer to Queenstown with the sport and adventure activities offered.
This is Glen Coe, site of the massacre of the MacDonalds in the 1400’s. Most of the MacDonald clan were murdered by the MacLeods, which was the breaking point of their rivalry. When I arrived at Kinloch Lodge, I spotted a painting on the wall depicting the ancestor of the Kinloch MacDonalds fleeing from Glencoe with his wife and child during the massacre. I guess if he hadn’t managed to escape the massacre, then I wouldn’t be sitting here at Kinloch Lodge today because none of it would exist!!
We also drove past Sean Connery’s mansion/estate/jolly big castle. Scots do such funny impressions of Sean Connery, it has me in fits of laughter for hours. Yeeeesshh. We also drove through the town of Lix. Doesn’t sound like a Scottish name, does it? That’s because its actually the roman numerals for 59 (LIX). The Romans named it LIX as it was 59 miles from the then Roman capital of Glasgow. Apparently it stuck with the locals, who just called it Lix. Awesome.
This is Doune Castle (remember, the town where the first pistol was made?). There was a wedding on so they weren’t very impressed with a bright yellow busload of tourists pulling up, but it’s a free world and we were quick. I swear the guy standing next to the car was trying to perfect his laser-eye weaponry so he could kill us all. But he only managed an evil squint.
This is the Wallace monument. Remember William Wallace from Braveheart? Yep, well he was a real guy. His actual claymore (5”10 broadsword swung around the head like a helicopter) is housed up at the monument. Unfortunately we didn’t have time to climb up to it, so we’re gonna have to go back there. They wanted Mel Gibson to use Wallace’s actual claymore for the scenes in Braveheart, but Mel was too short to wield it (because Wallace was 6”10 or something, his claymore was massive), so they had to make a little light one for ol’ Mel to use in the movie.
Wallace is most famous for his defeat of the English at the battle of Stirling Bridge. He and his fellow Scots were outnumbered 14-1 by the English, but they cut down the bridge across the river while the entire English cavalry were on it, and then executed the highland charge on the infantry. The highland charge was all about building up momentum (ie running down from a hill) and then striking the opposition 1) with their shields, which had spikes on them, 2) with their knives 3) with their broadswords (which were Spanish btw).
The story of Wallace’s torture at the end of Braveheart is apparently true. He was hung, drawn and quartered. And tortured in terrible terrible ways (like disembowelling him while he was still conscious, and then setting his intestines on fire and feeding them to him)….. but apparently he did have a piece of cloth from his wife’s dress with him at all times, and apparently Robert the Bruce did have this cloth with him when he lead the Scots on to victory at Bannockburn after Wallace’s death.
All the Scots we have met so far are really appreciative of Braveheart as a movie, because even though it is a movie and as such is geared for audiences and effects, it does tell a part of Scottish history that wasn’t really communicated before that. Apparently Scottish history has been squashed out of their education system, so that none of the younger generations have any idea of their history. Both our Haggis guides told us that they both studied Scottish history at Uni, and both now have their own personal files with MI5. Now I don’t know how much is fact and how much is fiction, but there’s still massive conspiracy and ill-feeling against the English. Especially regarding Scotland’s economy; all of Scotland’s industries (whisky, tourism, forestry, peat/coal etc) are being heavily taxed and the revenue going to the UK Government, which is swayed by the English. For example 80% of the price of a bottle of whisky is actually tax, which goes back to Westminster. The Scots are still hoping for independence from England, so we will see in the next decades (or centuries?) how that goes.
Back in Edinburgh, we had some farewell drinks at a pub off the Royal Mile, and then carried on to the Three Sisters (a famous club in Edinburgh) and then an underground club with live local bands, which was pretty neat.
And that was our Haggis Adventure!! Great stuff, we can't wait for the next adventure!
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